


am i the boy you dreamed of?

by rosebudboy



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, although the rest of the fic has no relation, and sad, op says fuck toxic masculinity, percy is insecure, they are in love its disgusting, title is a waterparks lyric heheh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26929510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosebudboy/pseuds/rosebudboy
Summary: the one in which Percy feels horrible, and Jason will do anything to make him feel better
Relationships: Jason Grace/Percy Jackson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 71





	am i the boy you dreamed of?

**Author's Note:**

> *crawls out of cave* I LIVE BITCHES
> 
> ok but this is like 20% self projection and 80% garbage. Also slight tw for like self hate ish?? nothing like too serious but just. yeah. it gets better tho  
> thanks for reading ily <33

XXX

Percy stared at himself in the mirror and traced his fingers over his red dotted cheeks. He sighed, acne had gotten worse again. He hated how his skin looked, he remembered when it used to be clear, it looked nothing like that anymore. He took off his shirt intending to shower, but then he caught a glimpse of his chest in the mirror, scattered with scars. Percy remembered the stories behind each one, and trailed his fingers over his chest. He wondered if any other normal boy his age had such scars, but he supposed they didn’t have such stories either. 

He heard his phone’s notifs, and opened his phone to see his friends making plans to go to the doughnut store downtown. He considered this, he didn’t feel like eating anything, or going anywhere. He typed out a quick text saying he was sorry and didn’t even wait for a response. He went to his bathroom and looked at his face again, nothing changed since the last time he looked at himself, which was just 20 minutes ago, except maybe an increase in hate for how he looked. Deciding not to think too much about his face, he sank into the bathtub and turned on the water As the water filled around him, he thought of a time before the war, before his life turned upside down. Every time his thoughts ran down this road, it never ended well, and so Percy had learnt to tie a rope back to reality, to tug on when he felt himself getting lost. 

He wanted to smile again, he wanted to take pride in his scars again, he wanted to feel like he could take on the world again. Sometimes he wondered if the war was the best or worst thing that had happened to him. He saved the world, twice. He found himself asking when he could save his own world, who would come to his rescue when all his buildings came crashing down?

He sunk deeper into the water and wrapped his arms around himself.    
He dipped his head under the water and relished the fact that he could breathe clearly. Things were always better underwater for Percy, he felt more at home underwater than he did anywhere else. 

He had a lot on his mind and he didn’t want to think too much about it. He tugged on the rope, willing himself to think about all the happy things in his life. He had amazing friends. He had the best boyfriend ever. He had a loving family. So why did he still feel like he wouldn't be enough.

Xxx

Jason checked his phone again, waiting on Percy’s reply. It wasn't like him to cancel on plans suddenly, especially since Percy had wanted to go to the doughnut place for weeks. But again, Jason didn't know what was going on with Percy, and it worried him a bit. He crossed the road and made his way to their apartment. It was cold outside and New York was bustling with festivities. 

He opened the door to their apartment and was concerned to find it dark. All the lights switched off. He wondered if Percy was home, he had to be. He could vaguely recall seeing Percy’s shoes in the stand. He switched on a few lights and shrugged off his coat. He walked around the apartment to find no sign of Percy, but finally in his bedroom, he saw Percy, bundled up in a blanket, curled up on the bed. He was probably asleep, Jason thought, and went by the bed to check on him. Jason sat next to Percy on the bed, and only then did Percy finally look up and Jason could see his red eyes and puffy lips. His hair stuck to his sweaty forehead and his green eyed never looked worse. Jason’s heart hurt to see Percy like this.

“What happened Perce?” he asked, bruising Percy’s hair out of his face. Percy sniffled and shook his head, he wiped his eyed with the edge of his hoodie,  _ Jason's _ hoodie and reached for Jason’s hand. Jason immediately wrapped his arms around Percy and pulled the blanket over the two of them. Percy put his head on Jason's shoulder, and then he started crying again. Jason, for once, was confused as to what to do. He hugged Percy tightly and just held him while the other boy broke apart. 

“Percy,” Jason said, “ Please tell me what’s wrong”

Percy drew in a shaky breath. 

“I don’t want to look like this Jason” he said shakily, still refusing to meet Jason’s eyes, 

“I miss how it was before the war,” he continued, “I don’t want the scars over my chest or the acne on my face, or the constant doubt in my mind” 

Jason’s heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, tears welled up in his eyes too, which he tried to blink away.

“I don’t want to keep growing older Jason, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to feel useless, but there's nothing i can do about it. I want to be happy and content, but there's nothing i can do about it,” Percy said quietly. 

Jason pulled apart a little and turned to face Percy. He tilted Percy’s face, put his hand on Percy’s neck and pressed their foreheads together. 

“You listen to me, Jackson,” he said, staring into Percy’s eyes. “You are never going to be useless, not to me” he continued, “ To me you are perfect.”

Jason kissed Percy’s cheek softly. And traced a thumb across his acne, “Do you really think this makes you look ugly in any way?” he asked. He kissed his cheek again. “Not to me it doesn’t.” 

Jason reached an arm down and slipped it beneath Percy’s hoodie. He traced his fingers over Percy’s scars.

“Your scars are beautiful, Perce” he said sincerely, a tear rolled down Percy’s cheek, which Jason wiped away. “Those scars remind us that we were stronger than whatever they could throw at us babe” 

Jason put his hand on Percy’s face, “I also miss how it was before the war” he said, “but it's over now, we get to heal now Percy” 

Tears fell down Jason’s cheek too, and Percy asked,

“Am I the boy you dreamed of, Jason?” Percy placed his hands on Jason's cheek, “When you kissed me on the beach, beneath the fireworks a year ago, is this what you dreamed of?”

Jason laughed, “No” he said, “You are better than anything I’ve ever dreamed of Percy.”

Percy smiled at him. “You are enough Percy, you are more than enough” Jason said, tucking a strand of hair behind Percy’s ear. “Nothing’s going to change in a day, but i’m here for you to get better and you’re not dealing with this alone,” Jason continued. 

Percy didn’t reply, he pulled Jason close and kissed him softly, Jason had one arm around Percy’s back and the other on his cheek. Because Jason didn’t want the most beautiful boy in the world to ever feel ugly again, not on his watch.

Percy wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck, Jason Grace was the rope that tied him to the world, Percy knew he’d never get lost again, Jason wouldn’t let him. Percy pulled apart and pressed their foreheads together again. 

“Thank you,” he said, staring into Jason’s eyes, “I love you Jason” 

Jason smiled “I love you more Percy” 

Percy chuckled softly “Impossible” 

“You haven’t eaten anything since breakfast,” Jason pointed out. Percy nodded, “Didn’t feel like it” 

“Well lucky for us, I brought back some doughnuts” 

“You really are the best aren’t you”

“I try babe, i really do” 

xxx

**Author's Note:**

> anyway Percy goes to therapy and gets better i'm sure of it.  
> Thanks for reading, it was unnecessarily angsty and stupidly sweet but hey that's just me. I haven't written in a while oop so here ya go. I'm a sucker for jercy.  
> thanks to the lovely, amazing, stunning, @junkiejosten10 without who this fic would be uh,,, illegible.  
> find me over at @enderanboo on tumblr ^-^


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